Kuzu zangpo la. I am Tshering Chezom. I am 26 years old. I belong to a humble family. Both of my parents are farmers. Today, I would like to share how it feels to be a victim of domestic violence after getting married. Please help me to reach out my message to others. Do share.
It was back in 2016. I was 22 years old. As the eldest sibling out of 5, I stayed back and helped my old parents at home. I was a simple farmer myself. As the turn of fate reached my door, I met a man. He was good and friendly. I thought of spending my entire life with him as his wife. Love felt so real. I felt the luckiest with him around.
After knowing each other for a few months, we decided to marry and lived together. You won’t believe it but he started abusing me after few days. He cared less about me and my family. There were days when you came home very late, drunk, and lost. He often slapped me and hit me in rage. I couldn’t even say a word as his anger roared every time I spoke something. He even accused me of cheating with him when I didn’t even do a thing. I did not understand why he was treating me that way. It broke my heart. Exhausted and in pain, I cried to myself every night. The Ocean of Tears wet my pillow and it was so hard when no one turned up to help me. My neighbors knew about the violence, the mess, and his outrageous behavior. I believe they gossiped behind my back. They knew I was beaten during most of the nights, from the sounds coming from my house. However, no one came to me and helped me. They didn’t even ask me if I was doing okay. I found myself drowning in sorrows and agony. I couldn’t find solace in anyone. I couldn’t even bother my old parents.
After two months, I was pregnant. I thought he might change himself and get better. But no. He didn’t change a bit. He was still the same. He came home late. He drank most of the time. He continued abusing me even during my pregnancy period. He hit me. He shouted at me. I remember I fell so hard once when he shoved me away out of indignation. I was scared to death. I was worried about my baby inside the womb. Fortunately, nothing serious happened. I ran away several times from the house to stay at my relative’s place because the abuse was too much. I couldn’t take it and risk the life of my baby.
I left him many times, but I always returned to be by his side. I had to. Likewise, days and months rolled on. I gave birth to a baby girl. He didn’t change. I had to struggle. Forget about caring for the baby, he didn’t even look at her properly. He went roaming around. After a few months, I even heard rumors about his affair with a girl working in Thimphu. He did not come home most of the days. When he came, he was annoyed with me for no reason. He shouted at me. And often left the house slamming the door. Everything was cruel.
After some days of his departure, I began thinking. I couldn’t let my daughter suffer like me. I couldn’t let her be under her dad’s domestic violence. I couldn’t let her grow in a violent home. I had to do something. Every thought made me sad and paranoid. I finally decided to leave him. Yeah, after he came back, we got divorced officially. He looked happy deep down. I could sense it.
After that day, he could not continue to hurt me or begin to hurt my baby girl. Now, my daughter is 4 years old and I no longer have any contact with him.
Message: Domestic violence is still in trend. It’s so sad to know that it’s increasing every year. There are victims out there, crying and struggling. There is no peace. If you are a victim, find the courage to come forward for help. You can’t hide behind the corner and live in hell. If you have neighbors with domestic violence issues, try to help them. Contact some helpful organizations like RENEW. The victims could be beaten to death someday without your help. We never know. Please hear them out. Help them.
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