Dorji’s Story

This story is based on real incidents with fictitious names. This time, it’s again a girl victim. I know it’s sad to see but this is how our society was and still is. Most of the time, it’s the woman getting victimized. Do share to reach her message to your family and friends.

#MyStory

Hi friends. I am Dorji Dema. I am 20 years old. I am not the type of girl who needs concealer to cover her pimples or wears jeans because I want to look good. I never really bothered about my face and body. I was really fat but I didn’t mind eating my favorite food. I was a carefree soul. This was something many people liked about me.

Years rolled on. I met a guy named Jigme Norbu. After meeting him, I could find myself falling for him. He seemed nice. He cared for me and said he loved me as well. We got into a relationship. I started to fantasize about our future together. I thought he was meant just for me and I couldn’t imagine losing him. I was in love with him.

I didn’t know before. However, Jigme made up excuses and left me for his girl best friend, Meto. I was helpless. I couldn’t beg before him to stay with me. I felt broken. That heartache was so heavy for me to carry. But you know what? He came back to me after they broke up. I was dumbstruck. He said he regretted after leaving me and realized how important I was for him in his life. He looked genuine when he apologized. I thought maybe I should give him a second chance to prove his love. I trusted him that he won’t leave me again. So, we were back in a relationship like before.

One day, just like other poor victims, I landed up losing my virginity. I gave it to the man I loved, out of utmost trust. After that night, he acted a little differently. He complained about my friends and said I hardly gave him time. He said as if I ignored him all the time for my friends. I couldn’t deny it. So, I started to spend very less time with my friends. They soon noticed the change in my behavior and were really upset about it. My best friend was saying like he is not a good guy. I did not listen. I couldn’t take them in for he felt like a more important person to me than my friends.

After a few days, he even began insulting me. He called me fat in a serious tone and said it’s embarrassing for him when we walk together. I felt hurt because he said it at that time. He was right. I looked ugly and fat. I became self-conscious about my face and body. I began to hate my body. I could no longer stay fat and ugly. I skipped my meals most of the time and went on strict dieting. I wanted to lose weight and make myself slim like other gorgeous girls. Besides dieting, I even started to use cosmetics. I found myself putting on make-up to glow my oily face and keep it moisturized. I did everything I could in my power. I wanted to make him happy, having me as his girlfriend.

Every relationship has arguments and fights. I thought it was okay in the beginning. But he kept scolding me for every little thing I did. He complained that I never paid heed to what he was saying. In reality, I listened to whatever he said and was a loyal girlfriend. We argued most of the nights. Ocean of tears wet my pillows. I was emotionally broken. I could find my mind disturbed with all kinds of depressive thoughts. My mental health started to deteriorate. Everything was falling apart for me. I wanted to share my pain with friends but I lost almost all of them to have him. No friends turned to my side. I was alone and shattered.

There were days when he blamed me for being possessive. He said I made our relationship toxic for him. I was not on his priority list. His cold treatment made my heart feel bitter with sadness. He was good to his friends but not to me. He left me aside. I loved him so much. But he didn’t love me. He just pretended to love me and that’s heartbreaking.

After a lot of thinking, I decided to leave Jigme. I broke up with him. I did everything I could to have him and see him happy. I changed the shape of my body, my looks, and even ignored my friends. He was always my priority. I loved him but I needed to love myself more. I realized the fact that I needed to make myself a priority and heal with moving time. He is no more in my life. I feel a lot better even though a part of me misses him sometimes. I am starting to love myself. I feel happy all over again.

Kadrinchey for reading my story.

Dorji Dema

Message: Girls trust too much, too easily some days. It’s your fault. Before you decide to take someone as a part of your life, it’s important for you to know the person properly. Learn to say ‘no’ if you feel it’s not the right thing to do. Do not let the person you date take you for granted. Even guys, when someone is so genuine about their feelings for you, do not play with it. You can’t just take in and throw them whenever you want. That’s so inhuman. If you are not even interested, say no. Both girls and boys need to think about this. And about relationships, it’s very crucial for both the partners to accept one’s flaws and weaknesses. If you find yourself pretending to be someone while you are in a relationship, tell yourself that it’s not worth it. It won’t last long. You need to be loved for who you really are. Not for someone you are pretending to be. Love isn’t real if you are in this mess of deception. So, don’t hesitate to walk away if you have to pretend and please your partner like you don’t have your life. It will slowly make you sick of everything. It’s toxic for you. So, leave and learn to love yourself more. You deserve someone who would love you for being the real you.

For more updates, you can follow me @a_thinking_writer (Instagram) or like my Facebook page, PeLden’s DiaRy.

Picture courtesy: Unsplash

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